I am amazed that I am close enough to a "goal" number that it is in spitting distance. Bizarre. If anything, having lost weight is even more intangible to me lately. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I just feel good in my skin. I feel sort of like "normal" me.
My "small" size 18 jeans that I bought at the regular Gap are getting a bit too big. Still ok but I can start drying them in the dryer :).
I've even gotten a few - "you don't need to lose anymore weight" comments. Nuts! Of course, I get those wearing all black and modern shapewear garments. But still.
So, I've been thinking a lot about the end game. What is the goal? How close am I? How much more do I need to lose? I'm starting to get a little antsy.
Originally, I'd set my goal at 190. It was the lowest I could remember being as an adult after college. I knew that was a weight at which I could shop in most stores and feel good. Also, it had a 1 at the beginning of it. And, it was at the tippy top of the overweight BMI category - officially not obese.
I think I started to get a little greedy though. Intoxicated by the loss. If I could get to 190, then I could get to 180, then 170. And then heck, if I could get to 170, why wouldn't I bring it on home to a normal BMI at 163.
163 is a weight I haven't been at since at least junior high. 163 would mean losing roughly 60 more pounds. That's a lot. When I look at me without the shapewear, there are still a lot of lumps and bumps. I don't think I'm ever going to be bikini material and that's fine. But I think 60 more pounds is going to be too much. Dear God - is that possible?
Yes, I think it is. So, I've thought a lot about what is a good goal. For now, I've changed my ticker to 180 - and removed the second ticker. To get to 180, I need to lose 36 more pounds. I can see where those 36 pounds can come from and it will be good to have them gone. I think at 180, I'll be thin (for me) and hopefully not too saggy/droopy/strained looking. At 180, I should be a solid size 12. Beyond awesome. Any store, any where, any time. Except for Louis Vuitton or the like which should be fine.
So, that's my goal and I'm sticking to it. For now at least. 180 lbs. Size 12. A solid 120 lost (which would actually be 179 but who's being nit picky). 36 more pounds. 36 pounds. Amazing. And amazingly wonderful. I'm even looking forward to the swimming pool this summer.
Oh - and another NSV, I went to the Gap Outlet this weekend and stocked up on new tee shirts. All size XL and a pair of size 16 cargo-ish pants. I actually got a little fatigued when I turned the corner and saw that there were yet more regular size garments to look at. The women's department is conveniently spartan. Learning how to deal with options.
I think I'll always have a particular affinity for the dressing rooms at the Gap outlet which was the scene of my first successful NSV in selecting regular jeans. It's become a happy place for me.
A Letter to My Body
1 day ago