Thursday, June 30, 2011
I had a work meeting over the last days and saw clients I hadn't seen since January. Everyone seemed bowled over by how I looked. I even got called skinny and slim multiple times. Remarkable! Everyone asked how I had done it and I felt semi-bad not fessing up but I just don't want to open up to that depth with my work community. If there had been anyone in the group who was a candidate for the band, I would have told people but luckily :), I was by far the heaviest.
And.... I went to shoe store over lunch and tried on a pair of tall boots (knee high) just for fun and guess what??? They ZIPPED UP!!! All of the way!!! Zipped. Totally zipped. I have big calves. Always have, always will. Just the way the genetic dice tumbled. They fit. They fit. They fit!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Overweight though is music to my ears!! 15.6 pounds until my goal of 180 which will still be overweight but I'm confident that that will be a good weight for me. I think if I got down to 163 (which is the tippy top of the healthy weight category for my height), that I would look gaunt. What a concept.
I'm chubby!! Not fat anymore - yippee!!!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I'm not a great member of the blogging bandster community. I'm a horrible commenter and a class A lurker. I read consistently but don't reach out a lot. That doesn't mean though that the words of others aren't hugely important to me and that they haven't been a huge part of what has given me inspiration, sustenance and camaraderie over the past year+.
Thank you en masse to the bandster blogging community. The Internet is a funny thing. We all share a common experience in sitting down at our individual computers and typing away. Sharing intimate details of a common experience, warts and all, and then sending it out into cyberspace.
Before my surgery, I would read and then re-read and sometimes re-read again blogs just trying to soak in the success. I would look at their tickers of 40 pounds, 80 pounds, 100+ pounds lost and dream. The before and after photos. What they could eat.
After my surgery, I went back and re-read again. The blogs were so helpful in reassuring myself that I had made a good decision. Especially when all I wanted to do was just eat something for some kind of nurishment. I read about how people ate real food and had real lives and knew that I would get there too.
Now, I often go back and re-read parts of my own blog and remember where I was and celebrate how far I've come.
So thank you. To everyone who puts their feelings out there. To everyone who dares to hope that the band might be their own solution. To this wonderful community. Thank you for all of the support. My apologies for my crappy commenting skills but please know that there are many others out there in the ether who are supporting you too and wishing you all of the success in the world. And, who know the road you're traveling as we are on it as well.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I was too scared to say difinitively that I would lose the weight. It was too much to hope for. It was too incomprehensible. Of course, being a hair's breadth away from 300 pounds was pretty incomprehensible too.
June 16, 2011 is just another day. But, it's an important milestone. An important marker and definite cause for celebration. It's a big day.
In twelve months, I have lost 100 pounds... almost on the nose. 100 pounds. 100 pounds. That's too many sacks of sugar to count. I meant to go to Petsmart to see if I could pick up two fifty pound bags of dog food at a time but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to. How then, could I live with that much more weight with me all of the time? I tell you what, it's a whole lot easier to live without it.
What has changed...
I don't sweat anymore. Unless I'm actually exerting myself or it's really hot. A miracle.
I'm a dynamo around the house. I cook. I clean. I do laundry. I play with Grace. I pick things up.
I wake up and even though I don't like mornings, I'm ready to go.
I go to the mall and buy clothes.
I easily fit in airplane seats.
I look around rooms with lots of people in them and know that I'm not the heaviest.
I've gotten more used to compliments.
My wedding rings are too big.
I wear a size L top and a size 14 pants.
I'm proud of myself for working my band and losing the weight.
I can run a mile. And consider doing more.
The biggest change though...
The space in my head that used to be consumed with weight and food and the resulting pain 24 hours a day is remarkably peaceful. Just peaceful.
I still go through the Dairy Queen drive thru occasionally. Or eat too many chips. Or not enough protein in the day but most days, the vast majority of days, I have an almost unconscious sense of peace about food, weight and exisitance.
I know my body isn't perfect. Absolutely far from it. But I still occasionally catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and do a double-take. I am happy with my weight. I am estatic about my weight. I feel healthy. I feel strong. I feel at peace about my weight. This is a miracle.
A few random thoughts as I round out the year...
Does anyone else sometimes like to just like to look at your ticker? In so many ways, I feel like everything has changed, yet everything has stayed the same. Sometimes, looking at my ticker and seeing the numbers there seemed more real than looking at my own body. The period of time when I kept thinking that every mirror was a "skinny mirror" for example.
I guess when some people lose weight, they end up smaller than they have ever been before. I was this size (or within 20 pounds of it) until the rails fell off of things after I got married. I look like me again. However, this time I appreciate it. When you're 100 pounds overweight, 20 or so doesn't seem that bad. I'd still really like to lose at least 10 more pounds and probably 20 more pounds. And I will. And we'll see how that feels. But this feels really good too.
The peace inside my head about what to eat, when to eat, how much I ate, all of that is beyond a miracle. The contentment I have about my weight is another mini miracle. I'm good with it and that is all that matters. I'm good.
So, what's next. In the immortal words of Matthew McConaughey, "just keep livin'". I expect to reach my goal weight in the next 2-4 months. Hopefully, closer to 2 months. I will keep taking care of my band so it remains a healthy partner in my heatlth and wellbeing. And I will run - acutally run - a 5k. And I will be proud as punch of myself.
One year ago I was too scared to fully hope. I lost 100 pounds. WOO HOO!
Here are the numbers by month:
June 2010 - 22 lbs
July - 9.6 lbs
August - 13 lbs
September - 8.6 lbs
October - 8.8 lbs
November - 8.4 lbs
December - 6.0 lbs
January 2011 - 3.2 lbs
February - 4.8 lbs
March - .2 lbs
April - 8.8 lbs
May - 3.4 lbs
June - 2.2 lbs
My before measurements:
Bust - 52, Waist - 49.5 , Hips - 59
My "now" measurements:
Bust - 43 inches, Waist - 38 inches, Hips - 45 inches
That's a total loss in inches (thus far) of 34.5 inches.