I was too scared to say difinitively that I would lose the weight. It was too much to hope for. It was too incomprehensible. Of course, being a hair's breadth away from 300 pounds was pretty incomprehensible too.
June 16, 2011 is just another day. But, it's an important milestone. An important marker and definite cause for celebration. It's a big day.
In twelve months, I have lost 100 pounds... almost on the nose. 100 pounds. 100 pounds. That's too many sacks of sugar to count. I meant to go to Petsmart to see if I could pick up two fifty pound bags of dog food at a time but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to. How then, could I live with that much more weight with me all of the time? I tell you what, it's a whole lot easier to live without it.
What has changed...
I don't sweat anymore. Unless I'm actually exerting myself or it's really hot. A miracle.
I'm a dynamo around the house. I cook. I clean. I do laundry. I play with Grace. I pick things up.
I wake up and even though I don't like mornings, I'm ready to go.
I go to the mall and buy clothes.
I easily fit in airplane seats.
I look around rooms with lots of people in them and know that I'm not the heaviest.
I've gotten more used to compliments.
My wedding rings are too big.
I wear a size L top and a size 14 pants.
I'm proud of myself for working my band and losing the weight.
I can run a mile. And consider doing more.
The biggest change though...
The space in my head that used to be consumed with weight and food and the resulting pain 24 hours a day is remarkably peaceful. Just peaceful.
I still go through the Dairy Queen drive thru occasionally. Or eat too many chips. Or not enough protein in the day but most days, the vast majority of days, I have an almost unconscious sense of peace about food, weight and exisitance.
I know my body isn't perfect. Absolutely far from it. But I still occasionally catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and do a double-take. I am happy with my weight. I am estatic about my weight. I feel healthy. I feel strong. I feel at peace about my weight. This is a miracle.
A few random thoughts as I round out the year...
Does anyone else sometimes like to just like to look at your ticker? In so many ways, I feel like everything has changed, yet everything has stayed the same. Sometimes, looking at my ticker and seeing the numbers there seemed more real than looking at my own body. The period of time when I kept thinking that every mirror was a "skinny mirror" for example.
I guess when some people lose weight, they end up smaller than they have ever been before. I was this size (or within 20 pounds of it) until the rails fell off of things after I got married. I look like me again. However, this time I appreciate it. When you're 100 pounds overweight, 20 or so doesn't seem that bad. I'd still really like to lose at least 10 more pounds and probably 20 more pounds. And I will. And we'll see how that feels. But this feels really good too.
The peace inside my head about what to eat, when to eat, how much I ate, all of that is beyond a miracle. The contentment I have about my weight is another mini miracle. I'm good with it and that is all that matters. I'm good.
So, what's next. In the immortal words of Matthew McConaughey, "just keep livin'". I expect to reach my goal weight in the next 2-4 months. Hopefully, closer to 2 months. I will keep taking care of my band so it remains a healthy partner in my heatlth and wellbeing. And I will run - acutally run - a 5k. And I will be proud as punch of myself.
One year ago I was too scared to fully hope. I lost 100 pounds. WOO HOO!
Here are the numbers by month:
June 2010 - 22 lbs
July - 9.6 lbs
August - 13 lbs
September - 8.6 lbs
October - 8.8 lbs
November - 8.4 lbs
December - 6.0 lbs
January 2011 - 3.2 lbs
February - 4.8 lbs
March - .2 lbs
April - 8.8 lbs
May - 3.4 lbs
June - 2.2 lbs
My before measurements:
Bust - 52, Waist - 49.5 , Hips - 59
My "now" measurements:
Bust - 43 inches, Waist - 38 inches, Hips - 45 inches
That's a total loss in inches (thus far) of 34.5 inches.