Just set a goal already!

I am amazed that I am close enough to a "goal" number that it is in spitting distance. Bizarre. If anything, having lost weight is even more intangible to me lately. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I just feel good in my skin. I feel sort of like "normal" me.

My "small" size 18 jeans that I bought at the regular Gap are getting a bit too big. Still ok but I can start drying them in the dryer :).

I've even gotten a few - "you don't need to lose anymore weight" comments. Nuts! Of course, I get those wearing all black and modern shapewear garments. But still.

So, I've been thinking a lot about the end game. What is the goal? How close am I? How much more do I need to lose? I'm starting to get a little antsy.

Originally, I'd set my goal at 190. It was the lowest I could remember being as an adult after college. I knew that was a weight at which I could shop in most stores and feel good. Also, it had a 1 at the beginning of it. And, it was at the tippy top of the overweight BMI category - officially not obese.

I think I started to get a little greedy though. Intoxicated by the loss. If I could get to 190, then I could get to 180, then 170. And then heck, if I could get to 170, why wouldn't I bring it on home to a normal BMI at 163.

163 is a weight I haven't been at since at least junior high. 163 would mean losing roughly 60 more pounds. That's a lot. When I look at me without the shapewear, there are still a lot of lumps and bumps. I don't think I'm ever going to be bikini material and that's fine. But I think 60 more pounds is going to be too much. Dear God - is that possible?

Yes, I think it is. So, I've thought a lot about what is a good goal. For now, I've changed my ticker to 180 - and removed the second ticker. To get to 180, I need to lose 36 more pounds. I can see where those 36 pounds can come from and it will be good to have them gone. I think at 180, I'll be thin (for me) and hopefully not too saggy/droopy/strained looking. At 180, I should be a solid size 12. Beyond awesome. Any store, any where, any time. Except for Louis Vuitton or the like which should be fine.

So, that's my goal and I'm sticking to it. For now at least. 180 lbs. Size 12. A solid 120 lost (which would actually be 179 but who's being nit picky). 36 more pounds. 36 pounds. Amazing. And amazingly wonderful. I'm even looking forward to the swimming pool this summer.

Oh - and another NSV, I went to the Gap Outlet this weekend and stocked up on new tee shirts. All size XL and a pair of size 16 cargo-ish pants. I actually got a little fatigued when I turned the corner and saw that there were yet more regular size garments to look at. The women's department is conveniently spartan. Learning how to deal with options.

I think I'll always have a particular affinity for the dressing rooms at the Gap outlet which was the scene of my first successful NSV in selecting regular jeans. It's become a happy place for me.

Mom Brand

Did you know that Talbots, Ann Taylor, J.Jill are "Mom Brands"? I didn't. I mean I know that Talbots isn't the hippest and frankly most of my wardrobe has come from there over the last few years because they carried women's sizes. I will say, the new stuff they are doing is much, much better. Definitely like the new direction. Just not the final sale policy.

I like to read this fashion blog which graciously educated me about the Mom brand thing.

http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/

That's cool. I can embrace labels. Just, can we had "hip" for a Hip Mom Brand? Better than Hippy!

Size issues

The good news is - I'm wearing a size 14W dress today and it's too big. The bad news is I just bought it from Talbots online and it's a final sale.

I am out of women's sizes. Done. Finito. Don't need to go there anymore. Can I get a woo woo! The arms on the dress are way too big. The stomach is way too big. Until I got super big, I always had a relatively good shape - meaning, my girth was pretty proportional.

Funny moment... I was shopping at Saks one time a long time ago and the sales person commented on my shape and said something like I was a big girl but I wasn't "big". She was trying to be nice I think in saying that I was larger but had a good shape. Luckily I've had years of messed up compliments from my family to give me the context I needed to take such a comment appropriately.

Back to my current size. I also purchased two size 16 (regular) skirts from Talbots and both fit just fine. Yeah!! So, I believe that right now, I wear a size 16. All recent purchases (Talbots skirts, Gap skinny jeans) have been size 16. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So when I extrapolate out to what size I'll be when I get to my initial goal weight of 190, I'm guessing it will be a definite 14 and even maybe a 12. 28.4 pounds to go.

Crazy to think what I might be if I make it to 163. Still not sure I want to end up there. We'll play it by ear. With a 15 pound allowance between sizes, I'm estimating a definite 10. Maybe even an 8 which is impossible. I have never ever ever in my adult life worn anything that was a size 8. I remember a had a dress that was a size 10 during the Phen-Fen days and it was obviously a mis-sized 10.

For now, no more internet purchases that are not returnable. And, no more internet purchases unless they are fantastic. Time to start shopping in stores. What a concept.

Add another "did you get your hair cut?" to the ticker...

Taking the skinny out for a spin

I lost the memory card for our camera and for some reason, my phone keeps taking blue photos so this is the best picture of the unleashing of Susan in skinny jeans on humanity, not very good but all we've got.

I got a number of compliments on New Year's Eve. Remarkable, the jeans were super comfortable. Weird.

I've adjusted my ticker to reflect my new goal weights of 190 and 163. 170 is fine too but somehow it seems silly not to try to get to a normal BMI if I'm going to try to get that close.

When I was talking to a friend recently, I was saying that I had about 35 more pounds to lose and she asked if I really had that much to lose - as in, would it be too much. Amazingly, that's a totally valid question. I'm really comfortable with losing 35 more pounds. I know that will be just fine. However, when I think about losing 57 more pounds, that's kind of crazy.

I don't want to look like I'm sick - you know that look when someone really loses too much weight, or their skin just doesn't look healthy. I don't want to look like that. As I said when I started this, I know 190 is a weight that would be "just fine" for me. I could shop in most stores. I'd be relatively healthy. It would be reasonable to maintain. I'll just have to play it by ear after that. Bizarro world to even have that as a possibility.

Oh, and the fill is definitely working. I'm super tight in the morning and frankly, for most of the afternoon. Even drinking is pretty slow for a while in the daytime, even with a hot liquid. I really have to be careful not to eat and drink to closely together, either before or after eating. I think the band is working how it is supposed to in that the food is hanging out in the upper portion of my stomach for a longer period of time.

I get full, really full, much more quickly than I did before. That's new. Before, I had restriction in how quickly (or not quickly) I could eat but I didn't have that "I've only eaten 3 or 4 bites and I'm stuffed" experience. I'm having that now.

Also, not much hunger kicking. My brain sort of feels like when I took phen-fen. I'm not really thinking about food. Not craving food. I think occasionally - I need to eat because I need to eat not really because I'm hungry.

Good news on the weight loss front though. I saw 220 on the scale this morning. Yeah! 79 pounds. Amazing. It's nice to get moving after sort of bouncing for most of December.