We've returned from vacation. It was really a nice time - much needed relaxation and just hanging out. Lots of water and sun.
As I previously mentioned, I might have indulged in a bit of junk food on the trip. Chez-its. Skinny Cows (why do they make that last bit of chocolate so yummy!). Chips. Cheese. Not awful by any comparison to the old days but not great. I took a scale with me and it stayed in the same 1-2 pound range the entire week. I weighed myself this morning and depending on which reading I accept, I'm either up about 3 lbs from when I left or down .2 lbs. I think I need to get that scale that Joey just purchased.
So, my second fill is one week from today. I want to get down to a round 40 lbs down by then. Roughly 4 lbs. If I buckle down, I can do it. A detox of sorts.
Old Susan would have used vacation as an excuse to fall off the wagon and then to keep on falling. One night, while enjoying my 100 calorie Skinny Cow, I was thinking about how it was normal to enjoy extra treats while on vacation. Before my surgery, I'd had such bad habits all of the time that I was always "on vacation". It is nice to think that I can indulge occasionally and then get back to a more healthy routine. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I haven't been "bad" if I have two skinny cows (again that would be 200 calories!) and I haven't been "good" if I don't.
When I started my last weight loss attempt before surgery, I thought a lot about wanting to have a healthy relationship with food. What a concept. Before though, this was about as likely as me going to the moon. Still not there yet but I do feel like I'm making so much progress. Kind of like what I talked about in my last post, having a healthy relationship with food (a peaceful relationship) is almost - almost - an even greater reward than losing the weight. I think in so many ways that it has always been an even more unattainable goal than losing weight. I could imagine being thinner but it was essentially unimaginable to not have issues with food, seemingly every minute of every day.
Again, still not there yet but it's starting to seem much more plausible that I could actually achieve both. Maybe it's not that the issues go away, but more that they are managable. Kind of like alcoholics in AA. They say that they don't have a problem, they have a program. Essentially they have a program that enables them to manage their problem. I'm working on my program.
Chapter 38: This one is for me
2 weeks ago