The Bottom??

Tonight's the night. The night before I start again. God willing, the last free for all before the all too important "Monday" start of another try to lose weight. I don't know about you, but I always have to start on Monday.

We've had a great weekend. Lots of activity. Lots of fun. Lots of creakiness when I get up out of a chair. Lots of fatigue - sometimes before the day even started. And as always, lots of sweating.

As I was sitting on the couch this evening (eating my "last" oatmeal cookies), I thought. ... "is this the bottom? Is this as bad as I'm going to feel?". And for once, I'm pretty confident that yes, it is.

Tomorrow, I start a new chapter in this journey. I'm going to have good days and bad days. But, this is the last "Monday" because I'm confident that the band will be a tool that will allow me to make a positive change and stick with it. I'm starting m "pre" pre-op diet my surgeon only requires three days but I figure about two weeks can't hurt. And, it's just time.

Can't wait to write the post when I reach my goal "See you at the top!"

OMG! Denied.... but so close!

I got a voicemail from the surgeon's office this afternoon that my case had been denied by Cigna because they didn't have a letter from my PCP. What?? I didn't know that it had been submitted to the insurance company yet. I thought we were still waiting on the hospital tests.

So, good news = all ready to submit to the insurance.

Bad news = denied but for something really minor. The woman at the surgeon's office said she'd never seen this before and thought it was silly. Also, it had to have been denied super fast because I just called them yesterday to check to see if my test results were back.

Good news = get the letter to the insurance co., open an appeal, Please God let the appeal be approved and schedule the date!

Between this and my plans to start my "pre-op" changes on Tuesday, this is getting really real. Wahoo!!!

Making a list and checking it twice

I am a list maker. The mere act helps me to calm down and feel better about having a plan. Right now, I'm working on honing my master "prep for surgery and the weeks after" to do list. Getting the "before's" taken care of is at the top of the list.

I'm gearing up to take the before pictures. Maybe this weekend.

I did take my measurements yesterday...

Ankle - 10 1/4 inches
Calf - 20 inches
Thigh - 33 1/4 inches
Hips - 59 inches
Waist - 49 1/2 inches
Bust (no bra) - 52 inches
Wrist - 7 1/4 inches
Upper arm - 16 inches

Check.... Check....

I'm inching towards a surgery date.

I had my pre-op tests yesterday which included a chest x-ray, an EKG and a stress test. I didn't die on the stress test so that was a good thing. I'm wondering why my doctor doesn't require an upper GI? I'm cool with not drinking chalk but the variations in protocol does worry me. Shouldn't there be more of a standard consensus on best practices?

I also attended my nutrition class last week. The dietician didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know given that I think I've read just about every piece of info about the lap band that is out there on the web. She does seem quite knowledgeable and I'm going to try to make sure I use her as a resource.

So, that should take care of everything that my insurance requires. I called my surgeon's office after leaving the hospital. The regular woman who handles the insurance approvals was out but another woman told me that it typically takes about 2 weeks to get the test results from the hospital. This is a bummer and I'm hoping that it doesn't take quite that long.

Next steps - get test results back, submit to insurance, receive approval.... get this show on the road!!!

Make that Memorial Day!

I know I would cry if I was waiting until Labor Day - whoops!

I'm starting my pre-op diet on the Tuesday after Memorial Day, June 1, 2010.

I had my final "6 month supervised diet" appointment today - check!

Talked to the surgeon's office and got the scoop on the last few things they need - check!

They'll be able to submit everything to the insurance after I complete my nutritional consult on May 11 and my pre-op testing on May 17.

YIIIIIPPPPPEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling Better

Addiction. It's a scary word. It's an even scary place to find yourself. I have a loved one who is an alcoholic. As he's gone through his recovery process (4 years sober on Sunday!), I've learned a lot about recovery, addiction and how they apply to my issues. Some people are addicts when it comes to food. They might be heavy, they might be thin but they are addicts. Some people aren't - even if they are heavy. I am an addict.

I've heard that there are three stages of addiction...

Stage One: Your drug of choice is fun, makes you feel better, have a high, a rush. It is a choice to use it.

Stage Two: You still get a high from your drug but it takes increasing amounts to get and sustain the high. It still makes you feel good but the let down is getting worse.

Stage Three: You use to maintain your habit. You use increasing amounts of your drug to maintain a menial level of existence. There isn't any feeling better, just a lot of feeling bad.

I've been in stage three for a while now... essentially since I decided to have the surgery. My habits make me feel bad - both physically and emotionally. I feel like I'm at my physical bottom and have been for some time. Over the last few weeks, I really have been struggling with feeling bad emotionally too.

I don't know if I'm being more introspective because the surgery is approaching? Because I feel like I'm getting closer to the "last times" for overeating, ordering too much, too many drive thrus ? Maybe because I can see the light getting closer, the "bad" stuff feels even worse. Maybe I'm just at the bottom.

I'm tired of feeling bad. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of discounting so much of my existence because I'm in such a bad place.

It's time to feel better.

My surgeon only requires a 3 day pre-op diet. However, I've decided to start my pre-op diet on the Tuesday after Labor Day. I'm going to do a combination of protein shakes, lean cusines and veggies (much like the last big weight loss push I did via a supervised program at the local university). Lots of water. Getting rid of soda. I can still have coffee right?

I want to get going. I want to do all I can to make sure that I'm as prepared as possible for the surgery. I don't want to go through withdrawal (essentially) while I'm recovering from surgery. I want to jump start my weight loss. I want to start moving forward. I want to start my recovery.

I've started therapy again as a part of this process and my therapist stopped me yesterday and had me repeat something that I'd said. I'd said "I want to do things that make me feel better". It's time.