It's my one life... I'm ready to be "just" chubby again!
Monday, April 4, 2011
A Long and Rambling Update
I've got about eight post it notes floating around with thoughts and ideas for a blog post. Why I'm still at essentially the same weight that I've been in what feels like forever. Why I'm anxious to get to goal. How this size/body is starting to feel normal. How I can eat just fine after my un-fill and having gotten a glimpse of maintaining (after having essentially maintained for the last few months), I'm feeling pretty good about that. - But, we'll get to those thoughts in more depth at some point. Maybe. - I went and saw Dr. Minkin today. I'd lost 3 pounds by his scale since I last saw him for my unfill. I think that was around the end of January. He gave me a bit of a pep talk which is totally warranted and said again though that I was doing well. - He had put .5 ccs into the band with my last fill and took that out. He put .4 back in today. I chugged the cup of water after and it went down just fine - I could feel it a little though. He said he felt a bit of a push back when he put the fluid in. Not sure what that's about exactly. - I'm hopefully that this gets me back to a good spot (not that I've been in an awful spot). Restricted but no reflux. Hunger diminished. Sailing on to goal. - Speaking of the goal. I'm so freaking close! When I was super heavy, it was so daunting to think about the huge (pun intended) amount of weight that I needed to lose. I had always been able to lose 20 pounds, no problem. Losing one hundred plus was impossible. Now that I am 16 pounds away from an even 100 down, 25 away from 190 which would be "overweight" and then 35 away from my final goal.... it's so very very close. Close enough that I guess it's not too bad where I'm at. But, it's not the end. It's not goal. - I'm not really ancy to get to the goal because I think I look awful where I'm at and if I lose 35 more pounds I'll look good. Relatively speaking, I look just fine. Not that there isn't incredible room for improvement like hopefully these next 35 pounds will mostly come off of my midsection but it's an entirely differently ballgame these days than it was less than a year ago. - I want to see the numbers though. I want to say I've lost 100 pounds - to me at least. It's a little embarrassing to tell someone else. I want to know that I'm no longer "obese" but merely overweight. I want to go GOOOAAAALLLLL!!!! on my blog. And, I want to buy pants, and shirts, and dresses, and belts (who knew) and fancy jeans and and and. And I want to know that when I buy them, I can invest if I want to. I won't have to worry if I'll be able to get them taken in or not. Or, that I'll have to get rid of my new favorite pants because they don't fit anymore. Oh, the challenges of the weight stable population. - And again, how do people that consistently wear a regular size deal with all of the selection options out there. It is really overwhelming. - So, my doctor says liquids for one day, soft foods the next then your regular diet. Last fill I pushed it (nachos on day three or four as I recall). I'm going to do liquids today and tomorrow and then soft foods for the next two days before easing back into a regular diet. Hopefully this will help the fill settle in and provide a nice little dip on the scale. - Three more goals - 16 to 100 down, 25 to 190 then 35 to 180. It's time to get it done.
I'm 37 years old, wife to an amazing husband and mommy to an adorable 4 year old. That's a lot of amazings and adorables but they are my world and a large part of why it's time to lose the weight. I love my friends, books, music, tv and movies. I hope to one day actually love running too. I was banded on June 16, 2010. I'm hoping to finally put an end to what seems like a lifetime of yo-yo dieting.